Dealing with Self Doubt
You have to have faith!
As a lot of you would realise, I am only 1 week away from the biggest show down of my life, the Musclemania Australia. You would also remember that I competed in the same show last year, so why is this one so much more significant? Last year's show was the first time I had competed with Musclemania and had no expectations. I simply went along to experience the big 'American Extravaganza' in my own backyard. This year though things are a little different...
This year I am definitely considered a favorite after my solid 2nd place last year. So why the self doubt?
I am my own harshest critic. I am never satisfied with my level of development, I simply work with what I have for the date of the contest. At each outing I am content with what I am showing, but never happy. I suppose that I am lucky in the regards that if I want to come in 'ultra shredded' then it is quite easy for me. I find the whole dieting process easy, and appreciate that the more I suffer now, the better I will be on game day. I am not one of these competitors who has to totally clean out the fridge of all the fun foods when I hit pre-contest. I simply don't eat it. The reason I am having self doubt this year is because I have hit new territory.
Not only am I the front runner (pressure itself), but I am trying to break the mould that I have set for myself and come in with a new and improved physique. As I said above I can come in absolutely shredded, but when I do I lose too much muscle fullness and look depleted. As soon as I came off stage last year I made the decision that I needed to be bigger, and would not compete at anything less then 95kg - a full 5kg up from last year.
So this is new territory for me. At a week out, I have never been so big. Whilst you might think this is a good thing, its playing havoc on my mental state. You see, dressed I look the same as I do off-season (apart from being leaner in the face of course), plus physically I feel great. What's my problem then? Well, I am used to feeling a certain way a week out. Basically, I am used to feeling like crap and this year I feel great.
I might not be as lean as compare to last year, but i have maintained my shape and have much improved symmetry. Don't get me wrong. I am in good condition and my final week will round things off nicely. What I have remembered is that first and foremost this is a bodybuilding contest, and you do need size. The judges here in Australia issued the notice that this is a bodybuilding contest and not a dieting contest. Emaciated physiques would not continue to score well, and that they are looking for a more complete package - size and shape.
I feel I had met that head on this year, and only time will tell to see if this has paid off for me. I just have to suck it up, deal with the demons in my own head and just follow through with my plan. After all, I am my own worst critic.